1. |
Bellend Tattoo
01:10
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I got a bellend tattoo
Something that reminds me of you
And it's got your face and a little smile and it's all nice
And it'll keep me company when I'm all on my own
Or I've had a bad day, oh it’s lovely
Bellend tattoo
Do you like my bellend tattoo?
Bellend tattoo
You don't seem very impressed
I was hoping this would get you undressed
And it's almost like we're having threesome isn't it
But yeah I realise it's your face going into your own vagina
So it's a bit weird, I didn't think it through - sorry
Bellend tattoo
Don't like my bellend tattoo?
Bellend tattoo
Bellend tattoo?
Bellend tattoo
Bellend tattoo!
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2. |
You Took My Stuff
02:01
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You took my stuff took my stuff took my stuff you motherfucker
So I'm gonna have to fuck you right up
There was an avocado sitting in the fridge that had my name on
That I'd specially earmarked for my lunch
It's the sheer audacity that I just can't understand
It's like you took my baby daughter
Or you've cut off my hand
You took my stuff motherfucker
So I'm gonna have to fuck you right up
You took my stuff took my stuff took my stuff you motherfucker
So I'm gonna have to fuck you right up
There was a yellow highlighter pen
Sitting on my desk about
A couple of inches from my mug
You're just like an animal, you really don’t think
So I’ve started it with yellow and I’ve finished it with pink
And everyone who reads this report will think:
“That’s a bit odd”
I'm gonna think up all the punishments
That I think reasonably fit the crime
And there's a principle at stake
So it doesn't matter if I do time
You took my stuff took my stuff took my stuff you motherfucker
Come on when you gonna give it a rest?
You know I like to go and have a quiet poo about 11
And the left cubicle is the best
I couldn’t believe it when I turned up as usual
You were in there making noises
That were quite inexcusable
And I had to use the one on the right with the wobbly seat
You may think it’s petty
But you clearly don't get me
You'll be praying for a time machine
So you never met me
Take my stuff mother fucker and I'm gonna have to fuck you right up
I'm gonna think up all the punishments
That I think reasonably fit the crime
And there's a principle at stake
So it doesn't matter if I do time – you know? Prison!
You may think it’s petty
But you clearly don't get me
You'll be praying for a time machine
So you never met me
When you find the passive aggressive note that I left on your chair
Yes, thank you!
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3. |
My Doppelgänger
03:28
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My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me
It’s like someone took my picture
And then stuck it over his face
My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me
Same pasty skin
It’s really frightening
My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me
It’s like someone created a mask out of my face
And then made it commercially available
My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me
Same ginger beard
It’s really frightening
You’ve got to pity the poor cunt who has to look like me
My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me
It’s like someone ripped my face off
And then surgically attached it onto his
My Doppelgänger - he looks just like me
Same upside down head
It’s really frightening
You’ve got to pity the poor cunt who has to look like me
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4. |
Belt Loop
00:57
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I don’t think you understand the kind of pressure I’m going through
I bet you’d just sit around all day if it was up to you
If it was up to you
I got in to work today and someone had sat in my chair
I had to spend 2 minutes readjusting it
Life just isn’t fair
Life just isn’t fair
And then I put too much milk in my tea
And saw I missed a belt loop
Yeah I put too much milk in my tea
And saw I missed a belt loop
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5. |
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Make yourself at home
You come around herebutitsnottoseemeitsmywife
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6. |
David
02:29
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Now we’re so sorry that you’re coming home
We blocked you on MSN, Myspace and on our phones
We’re so sorry that you’re coming home, oh yeah
We changed the locks on the doors and boarded up the windows
Made absolutely sure there’s nowhere for you to go
We’re so sorry that you’re coming home, oh yeah
No need to be so mean
You’re so hard to please
But you’re not the only one
You’re not the only one who sees
The worst in me
You’re not the only one
You’re not the only one
You say you don’t like our music
Go fuck yourself
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7. |
Don't Park Up My Drive
02:55
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You don’t ask why before you doing anything
You always do what you want
How you gonna get through life if you just constantly act like a cunt
The neighbours round here are almost constantly bitching
Net curtains up and down the street are regularly twitching cos of me
What have you got to say, for yourself, for yourself?
Please don’t park up my drive
I’m asking you nicely so there’s a chance you’ll survive
Your mother came home from the shops and she was
Unequivocally not herself
She took a tin of spam and then just casually placed it
On the vinegar shelf
The customers around her, they were all up in arms
The store manager was screaming and set off all the alarms
Yes it was memorable
What have you got to say for yourself, for yourself?
Please don’t park up my drive
You see I’m asking you nicely so there’s a chance you’ll survive
What has she got that I haven’t got?
What has she got?
What has he got that I haven’t got?
What has he got?
And all the ladies say…
What has he got that I haven’t got?
What has he got?
All the boys say...
What has he got that I haven’t got
What has he got?
Please don’t park up my drive
You see I’m asking you nicely so there’s a chance you’ll survive
The woman in the post office was filling me in
About some Eastern Europeans that have moved into Number 3
I wish that all these foreigners would just go away
Except the ones that'll be doing my cholecystectomy
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8. |
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It’s recently come to our attention
It’s recently come to our attention
It’s recently come to our attention
And now it’s time to reveal the various contexts or scenarios in which unequivocal evidence exists of your status as a “massive cunt”, as voted for by the readers of Prima magazine
When you’re riding your bike through a red light
When you’re picking your kids up from school
When you’re voicing your opinion on the Syrian refugee crisis
When you’re standing on the left of the escalator
When you’re ordering a granary bap at the bakery
When you’re dropping off your dry cleaning
When you’re thinking of booking your car in for an MOT
When you’re considering talking to a new pension provider
When you’re researching the candidates for the opposition leadership
When you’re putting out your recycling
When you’re complaining to the Local Authority about some fly tipping
When you’re just generally going about your day to day business
When you’re trying to remember how to adjust the air conditioning
When you’re weeing next to me and you get some wee on me
When because of your bad parking I can’t get into an otherwise available parking space
When your wife has been injured in a minor traffic accident and caused congestion
When you forget that eggs come out of chickens, and ducks
When you can’t remember which spelling of “license” is correct for the grammatical context
(sigh)
When you remember you need to put a new battery in the smoke alarm
When you notice that your curtains are not of sufficient density to block out enough light for a restful sleep
When you realise that at the end of the day, all life is meaningless
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9. |
You'll Do For Now
03:12
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If I could live my life again
I’d be as lazy as I am now
It’s the beauty of this alcoholic haze
It takes us away to those far out places
Where we don’t have to look at each other’s faces
It goes on for what seems like days
That’s all I have to say
You’ll do for now
How can she love you if she can’t love herself?
She takes out her anger on everyone else
And being with you takes the worry out of getting laid
There’s a kick to be had if you’re calling the shots
She’s in control whether you like it or not
You’ll be out of the door if something better comes her way
That’s all I have to say
You’ll do for now
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10. |
Oh No, I Know! (Part 2)
01:13
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You say "Oh No" I say "I Know!"
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11. |
Lunch
00:11
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12. |
Nobody's Listening
03:46
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Here you are washed up before you’re even 40
How did you let it all go so wrong?
All those dreams you had of forming a band
Living on the admiration of all your fans
Were you kidding yourself all along?
Cos nobody’s listening any more
No nobody’s listening any more
And neither would I if I was them
I would just stand around and turn a blind eye again
Here you are washed up before you’re even 40
How did you let yourself get out the game?
Remember everybody was so eager to please?
Knocking on your door and getting down on their knees
Now you’re happy if they just remember your name
Cos nobody’s listening any more
No nobody’s listening any more
And neither would I if I was them
I would just stand around and turn a blind eye again
(But I will not fade away)
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Rich Keeble & The More Accomplished Musicians London, UK
Rich Keeble is an actor most recognisable in the UK as the man sitting on a hippo in the Topcashback adverts, but he’s
performed in bands since the early 2000s.
His new band incorporates the ferocious drumming of Jon Shortt and the fret busting bass playing of David Johnston to produce garage rock and punk songs about parking etiquette, stolen office stationary and misjudged genital tattoos.
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... more
Rich Keeble & The More Accomplished Musicians recommends:
slap bass hunks
by christian fitness
I'm a fan of Future of the Left and this Falco's other project. Really enjoyed this album
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I listen to Ty Segall a LOT, and this is a nice little release that popped up out of nowhere.
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Great Big Flamingo Burning Moon
by The Wave Pictures
I love the Wave Pictures and this album features Billy Childish, so what's not to like?!
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15 years into their career, the Toronto indie rockers sound sharp and ebullient as ever.
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Drunk Dial #12 - Gentleman Jesse
by Gentleman Jesse
Buoyant one-off release from a long-running Atlanta band who juggle garage rock, folk, and power pop; don't miss the Mark Morrison cover.
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Post-punk full of ragged energy and the adventurousness and aggression of the early '80s underground from Portland's Escare.
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